Monday, August 31, 2009

OverWonderfully-Whelming Weekend


Goodness Gracious.


What a weekend! : ) Firstly, I was able to go to a dinner-event beforehand (earlier in the week) and meet a few people who were also going to the same event (this being the BDSM-related all-day event for which I went shopping last week). That way, I already knew a few people there, which made it more comfortable for me. Secondly, two of the people I'd met at the dinner were kind and generous enough to invite me to stay at their home the night before the event, and then to go along with them, so I didn't have to go all by myself. THAT was INCREDIBLY helpful -- I'd been planning just to go alone, but having them there with me from the beginning was SO nice, and really helped me to ease into the whole thing and meet more new people.

Thirdly, everyone was wonderfully caring and welcoming and very happy to have new people there -- not only me but a few other newbies as well. I had nothing to be scared or worried about -- so many warm, considerate, protective people, they wouldn't have let me get into a hurtful situation. : )

With that said, wow. There were some very intense things going on, and most of what I did was watch, like I'd thought I would. I did manage to end up over someone's lap, first in private, then later in semi-public (and bare! eep!!)... I also had a chance to do some experimenting with ropes -- being tied up quite elaborately with some pretty pink nylon rope -- with knots in rather convenient and tantalizing places... Not suspended, though -- although we did see some pretty awesome suspensions... I think I really did like the rope -- something about his hands working over me, tying the knots, the way it constricted me as if I were being held, etc... And then of course the way he could exert power over my movement by manipulating the rope :D

So, this weekend was much more about exploring some broader BDSM-related activities than it was about playing a lot. It helped me to confirm that I personally am much more into the spanking sub-genre of activities, rather than BDSM in general.

It's odd, though, because the spanking has to involve at least some element of D/s or power-exchange in order for it to really effect me -- which is hard to explain to a lot of people. Especially people for whom D/s actually means a lot more.

In any case, it was a very fun weekend. The first time that I've ever been spanked in public, also the first time that I've seen others spanked (and more), and the first time that I've done a few *other* things in public, too... :) Someone let me (aka peer-pressured me) into trying on their waist-cincher-corsette-thingy over my dress, and wearing it for a good hour at least -- it looked really good!! :D Forced me to sit with proper posture, as well... :)

Some interesting workshops kept our attention for the first half of the day, which worked really well not only as a knowledge-spreading device, but also as a way for everyone to begin to feel comfortable around each other, and in the space, so that the play going on after dinner wouldn't feel awkward. Plenty of benches, X-like crosses, long padded tables, etc... for people to play with, all of which were well-used throughout the night, of course...

The whole experience now leaves me very much wanting to attend a play-party geared for spankos next! :D Now that I've survived a BDSM party, a spanking party should be a piece of cake, don't you think? :D

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Kinky Shopping Trip!

Ooooh I love shopping! :D

I've never shopped for anything kinky, really... Maybe a pair of argyle knee-socks here and there... :D And then of course your typical small arsenal of lingerie... But no other suggestive clothing, shoes, or anything overly 'fetishized'... : )

Now, I have a pair of rather high, black heels, several different kinds of stockings and tights with lace and ribbons and ruffles (and argyle) and things! :D I have TWO little black dresses...

Why this sudden burst of money-spending?

Well, along with the tradition of firsts... I'm about to go to my first public event this weekend :D It's a first for the local area, so will be rather small (and thus less intimidating...?), and is in a private venue, so although it's 'public' to me, it's still private within the larger 'bdsm' community.

I'm a little nervous (ok, more than a little), not only because it will be my first time at one of these kinds of events, but also because it's not just spanking -- it's going to be including the much broader spectrum of bdsm, which is not completely my thing, but which I am open to experiencing. : ) I will probably be watching most of the time, and hopefully will have an interesting conversation with more than one or two people... perhaps I may even find myself over a lap or two... :D

Will definitely post after going, though, so no mysteries as to how it goes...!! : )

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Dangling on Both Ends

I think I will always remember the first time that my spanker sat down in an armless, straight-backed chair, and pulled me over his lap so that not only were my legs suspended in mid-air, but so, too, was my torso.

Up until that point I'd always been spanked in a position that left my top half laying comfortably flat on some kind of surface: the edge of the bed, the other half of a couch, the cushy arm of a chair, etc... Despite the lack of 'comfy-ness,' however, I have to say -- the authenticity of dangling over his lap completely like that, with my face near the ground and all of my weight resting on him... was rather, well, lovely :D

Not to mention when he took my right wrist and held it in the small of my back -- not harshly, just lightly, as a reminder, and an assertion of his power over me. : ) Mmmmm :D

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Kinky Tink

Let alone a plaid or argyle fetish...! This rather newly-found interest in spanking has really made me look at Tinkerbell in a new light.

Sure she was kinda cute, more than a little bratty, and unfortunately a little less than loyal... But I'd never really thought of her before as anything else... I didn't really like her, actually -- she was a bit too "girly" for me... :D

But now...
I wonder what makes her so appealing to me now...? Could she possibly house a hint of kinkiness behind those faerie wings...?

She certainly does come off as the archetypal "spoiled brat" in the movie... Jealous, conniving, manipulative, greedy... definitely deserving of a spanking, don't you think? :D

But when she's not busy being a brat, she can actually be quite endearing. :D Cute, innocent, and, depending on how she's portrayed at the moment, kinda sexy : )

I think, however, that this little clip might have clinched it... No wonder she set off my kink-o-meter! :D

Friday, August 21, 2009

My Sister's Keeper

In my dream last night I was a stellar, older student at a highly accredited institution, rather like a boarding school, although exactly the type of school and its exact location weren't entirely clear. What was perfectly clear, however, was the fact that corporal punishment could be administered to any student, for any reason deemed serious enough by the powers that be.

This year was a special year at school for me. My little sister was beginning as a student at the same school. And I, as an upper-level student -- perhaps in a position of student-authority, like a prefect or a member of the student government, depending on the geographical placement of the school -- I felt specifically responsible for her well-being as a new student, as a promising young lady, and as my precious baby sister.

So, naturally, when she got in trouble for something at school, something serious... I was faced with a dilemma. The responsible, honest, practical side of me knew that the only way she would ever learn would be to accept the consequences for her actions. But the sisterly side of me, the side that had grown up with her, had gone on adventures with her, had made up fantastical stories and stayed up late at night giggling with her... couldn't let her take the fall.

She'd come to me, one evening before lights out, bawling, terrified, repentant, sincerely regretting her actions. I don't even know what she'd done -- the dream did not grant me that information -- I just knew that it was something serious, and involving a group of girls in her year, like graffiti or vandalism of some kind, and that she hadn't been able to fix it afterwards. In the morning, the damage would be noticed, and, she was sure of it, those found to be responsible for it severely punished. She didn't know what to do... I held her, her tears dampening the arms of my school blouse.

I could tell she was sorry. I was fully of the opinion that she did not need corporal punishment to repent her actions, to make her never want to stray again... Not to mention that I myself had been in for similar consequences once or twice during my school career, and I wished none of that harrowing experience on my baby sister.

Despite my long-standing reputation of judicious honesty and integrity, I told her that, when the morning came, I would tell them that I'd done it. I would take the fall. I could handle it, I told her, when she protested, much better than she could. And it would be worth it to me, if she would promise never, ever to get in trouble like that again. She nodded vigorously, tears still pouring, throwing her arms around me, "Oh thank you...!"

Unfortunately, the dream ended there, with the realization bearing down on me that I would be in the principal's/headmaster's office, the next day, receiving a painful punishment that was not my own.

Darn I hate it when lovely dreams are interrupted! :D

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Argyle Fetish

Recently, as in, the past few months, I've found myself invariably and irresistibly attracted to anything of argyle or plaid design.

Shirts, sweaters...

(advertised as: "Turn on a Lumberjack...") :D

folders, pens, pencils...


(advertised as: "Over the Knee Socks") :D

phone cases, sunglass cases, computer cases...


(for going "back to school!")

belts, earrings...

shoes, boots, bags...

(sooooooo CUTE!)

sitting room walls and throw pillows...?

(overkill? :D)

And, I am in no doubt whatsoever, that this sudden addiction to all things plaid or argyle has everything to do with the following phenomenon:

(courtesy of Girls Boarding School)

I blame one fetish for turning me on to another. Ah well. Such is life. :)

At least I know that, should I ever feel the need to wear pants rather than a skirt for such an occasion, I'm covered in that area as well...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Subspace... ?

A recent email group discussion has sparked my interest in the topic of subspace.

It's been a rather vague concept, in my experience, and seems to be quite different for each person who feels they have journeyed thither.

I've never been, that I know of, but all the same, I don't need to feel it to believe it. : ) People write about it being that point where one can begin to take the pain and turn it into pleasure, or that threshold which, once crossed, leads to foggy oblivion. Most of the time, it seems, subspace is said to be reached through an intense, constant, rhythmic endurance of pain or other sensory stimulation... This makes sense to me, physically and mentally. I don't think, however, that it would be a physical journey for me, where I ever to undertake it.

Although I've never experienced it, something about it's description leaves me sure that it would require a mental intensity for me, rather than physical (or perhaps, as well as physical...). This may just be due to the fact that I don't think I could or would want to undergo the purely physical agony that it would take to get there... but somehow, I don't think it's just that...

The mental aspect to spanking or D/s play has always been paramount to me. And I say 'always' with the understanding that I'm still very new and thus my 'always' is not nearly as vast as many of yours will be... :)

I do know that if I'm kneeling on a bed taking stripes from some deplorable instrument, it is infinitely harder for me to handle if the experience is not intertwined with some mental aspect -- it can be as simple as words that he might say to me -- something as small as being called 'naughty,' or hearing 'I hope I'm getting through to you'... something as easy as having to count each one... Some kind of understanding that I am somehow under mental submission to my partner's dominance -- in more ways than just receiving physical pain.

This makes me believe that if I were ever to attempt to reach 'subspace,' it would have to be through the mental intensity of a scene, rather than only the physical. I don't know exactly what would or would not work, however... perhaps delving very deeply into a character (like a student or a niece... I've never role-played, either! :D), or perhaps it would require a certain level of emotional attachment as well...

What are others' thoughts on this? Does anyone else need more mental rather than physical stimulation? Or do most people find it easier the other way around? What works best for you? And for those normally on the other end, what kinds of things, how do you feel about your play partner reaching subspace? How do they get there? : )

Sunday, August 16, 2009

What's This, What's This?

Frolicking through Europe (well, London... and a few stolen hours in Paris... :D) on an all-too-short but simply lovely college theatre trip across the sea this past spring, I naturally found myself seeking out any little drop of kinkiness I could find, in any little thing...

Of course, this happens regularly here, too, every day... But I was in *England* -- the birth-place of all my beginning fantasies, the home of quite an extensive and (for those of us interested today) convenient history of, well, kink. :D Many other countries have a comparable volume of history on that subject, too, absolutely -- but this was the one I was, and still remain, most familiar with (on that side of the Atlantic, anyway).

Take, for instance, this small, seemingly innocent and informative picture plastered to the wall inside The Globe theatre tour:

What should I have been contemplating? The range and scope of occupations during Shakespeare's time, of course, and how they would relate to his father, family, circumstances, theatre, and etc... But what was going through my mind instead? Take a wild guess :D

Next, in Paris (cue schmaltzy music), while tour-cruising the river Seine, I was highly distracted and amused by the peculiar shape, size, and weight of our audio tour-guides... My mother saw me taking this picture... I very much hope she thinks I simply wanted to be painstakingly thorough in documenting my Parisian experience... :D

I decided to try and give a realistic grip for the sake of the picture, but, of course, my own hand is quite un-used to performing in such a fashion... : )

Unfortunately, as it was a school-related trip, I couldn't steal away to explore any specifically-kinky areas (for too long, anyway :D), and thus had to resort to finding the potential in the more mundane -- but it was great fun, and it's always nice to spot little things throughout the day like that, wherever you are. : )

Saturday, August 15, 2009

First Implement

I've told the story of my first "real" spanking experience, which, for me, meant the first time I was mentally and physically over someone's knee, with the intention of being there for a while, getting spanked. It had nothing to do with the level of pain, or the number of the layers of clothing, or anything really at all except for the specific element of being an experience meant to be regarded as an OTK spanking.

I had, before that, been swatted, patted, even briefly held over a lap and then released, and, in fact, even felt an implement. None of these experiences, however wonderful they were, constituted, in my mind, an "actual" spanking, like the one previously described. They do, however, hold an important place in my own kinky journey, and thus deserve a place in blog-world. :)

The first implement I ever felt was a small, thin, wooden paddle. As innocent a paddle as it might have been (compared to what I've experienced since), when he first brought it out and I first saw it, my heart jumped into my throat and I suddenly got very, very worried.

Not only was I already naked, I was also already on my hands and knees on the floor, my butt toward him and feeling very vulnerable... I'd only gotten there in the first place out of constant encouragement (both verbal and some slightly stingy hand-spanking) from him, and only stayed there due to his continuous, "Don't worry, you'll be fine... You're doing great... Be a big girl..."

All of his verbal encouragement helped me tremendously to stay focused, despite my knowledge that I am, in fact, an adult, and that talk like this in any other situation would leave me slightly affronted... In this situation it did everything to keep me aroused and grounded : )

The first time that wood came in contact with my already slightly warm, bare skin was actually rather shocking. I remember thinking, "OW! What?" I was all at once very conscious of it's flatness, it's hard woodenness, and it's breadth of coverage over my pliable skin. After the shock of the first swat, the second incited a wiggle and a squeak from me, which in turn invited more encouragement.

"Stings, doesn't it? Don't worry... it's not that bad..." Whap! "See? Just a little sting..."

I could hear the smile in his voice, and despite the discomfort in my bottom-regions, I felt able to relax into it a bit more. I remember leaning forward so that my elbows touched the ground, and my forehead could rest on the carpet -- it was very straining and tiring, to put up with that kind of treatment! :D

After only six or seven whaps with the stingy thinner paddle, he revealed a slightly thicker one, though no bigger in width or length. My eyebrows disappeared under the hair on my forehead and I wiggled a little more in vain protest, all worry and fret again. Would the thicker paddle hurt more??

He merely smiled and said, "That's right..." : ) Apparently I'd provided him with exactly the reaction he'd been looking for, which did little to comfort me (but did quite a bit to enhance my excitement :D).

I received only two or three with the thicker paddle, which was just fine for me, as my butt was stinging terribly by that time and I didn't want to feel that wood hit my skin again. After that we moved on to other, less stingy entertainment... :D

Oh my how little I knew at that point... that stinging wasn't really stinging at all!! : ) But for the moment it was just enough, and it let me know that, in fact, I could handle at least a small, thin wooden paddle...

Friday, August 14, 2009


As is typical during the long evenings I spend alone, studying, researching graduate schools, job searching, etc... Often my online ventures will stray into slightly less productive but highly entertaining and much more fulfilling activities...

One such venture led me to the picture above last night, which set me off right away. :D

I'd like to go through the more specific elements of this find that particularly affected me -- please feel free to add your own thoughts on the matter! :)

#1: (in no particular order) The Classroom Setting
Not only is it in a public rather than private sphere (even if the classroom is empty), but it allows for an automatic positioning of two distinct and specified roles: an authority and a non-authority. Many different kinds of scenes do this. :D I particularly fall for the school/classroom settings because those were my original fantasies, when any other setting for spanking or corporal punishment (that wasn't parental) simply wasn't yet conceivable to my very young and inquisitive mind. Of course, those original daydreams were taking place in private Headmasters' studies or offices, not in open classrooms as is shown here... :D

#2: She's Smiling
Yes, fine, it's unrealistic, because I know full well that if I were in her position, particularly having to face that ruler, I wouldn't be smiling quite like that. But it's pretend :D And it does let me know that she is, in fact, somewhere deep down, enjoying herself, and that helps very much to take away the scary/disappointing/downer aspects of a punishment scene. It's playful (despite his rather serious expression), and as such can be taken with a lighter heart and a brighter attitude.

#3: Realistic Age Gap
The artist here definitely made efforts to illustrate a certain age difference between the teacher and student -- yet not to an exaggerated amount (don't get me wrong, I will go for exaggerated age difference, as well :D). For me personally, in fantasy worlds, my authoritarians are always older -- at least older than I am. And, realistically, in a teacher-student relationship at the high school level, at least a few years should have transpired between the two roles. There's something about an older man that I just find irresistibly attractive -- not to say that a younger man wouldn't catch my eye if he had the characteristics for which I were looking, but something about him being older just makes it easier, I suppose :D

#4: Exhibitionism
Now, this is the tricky one, for me. I'm very shy. I'm a very private person. But if I had to pick one thing about this picture that really got me, it would be the fact that she is bare, and bent forward over the front of his desk with her back to the rest of the (empty or not) classroom (even if that is his own desk chair and not a classroom chair behind her, which it could be, we'll just pretend that his chair is actually out of view on the side closest to us). It has me shivering, and my heart gallivanting... He is lifting her skirt, she can feel the cool air on her bare skin, and it's day-time in a semi-public place... WHY is that so enrapturing?? :D There is a fine line here which I am always so wary of crossing -- between good, clean, highly arousing fun, and absolute mortification... In the realm of fantasy, I'm always safe... But translating this into real life always constitutes a sticky situation for me... in more ways that one... :)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

As Promised...

Yesterday I said that I would write more about my first ever "real" spanking experience, just as a mini-story in itself. :D As aforementioned, it was during that first year of exploring my new-found kink. I started that relationship when I was just a few months into age 20, and then proceeded to turn 21 before it ended a little over a year later. It's been about half a year since then, and I am about to turn 22. Just for some time reference.

It was the first time we'd met in person.

We'd met online, as it seems many relationships with a spanking or bdsm twist form these days, and we'd developed quite the correspondence. It was apparent even before meeting in person that we worked together, that we were getting into more than just a friendship, and that we both wanted to head in that direction.

After two solid months of emailing back and forth every single day, we moved to instant messaging... After two solid weeks of 4-hour instant-message conversations every night, we moved (with a little hesitation from me) to phone conversations... After four solid weeks of emails, instant messages, and hours on the phone each night, we moved to video chat and got to see each other for the first time on screen... It wasn't long before he flew out and we spent a wonderful weekend together in a hotel. Seriously, I disappeared from my college house for a weekend, and we hardly left the hotel room :D

I wore a skirt, on that day, when we were to finally meet for the first time in person. :) It was wintry outside -- yet I knew I wanted to be in a skirt.

We met at a central place on campus, went to the room and got him unpacked, then dinner and an orchestra performance -- as we wanted to get comfortable with each other in public situations before diving in head first... But, although the music was quite lovely, we hardly needed the time -- after all of our virtual conversations we both felt very comfortable together -- we fit somehow, you know? :D

Back in the room after the show, he immediately took control and I loved it. From the moment the door closed and he put on the lock.

"Take off your boots." I already knew by the steady, firm tone of his voice that this was it.

I was unsteady on my feet, and needed to reach out to hold onto his shoulder in order to keep from toppling over while I obeyed. Once safely de-booted, I stood before him, suddenly shy, waiting and nervous.

He hugged me... a deep, understanding hug, and whispered into my neck, "I think you've been waiting for this for a very long time."

The shiver that went through me was quite involuntary. He held on until it passed, then released me and moved over to sit on the edge of the bed. I stayed rooted to the spot.

Looking over at me, his face kind, but firm, he patted his right thigh and said, "Come over my lap."

Wanting to impress him, but still so very embarrassed at myself and what I was thinking, I shuffled over close to him, but couldn't quite go over. I was smiling -- I had to, in order to deal with the embarrassment and the shyness and the nervousness and everything else... Luckily he was smiling back, and didn't mind when I stalled a bit by putting my head on his shoulder, and rubbing his arm with my left hand... I wanted so much to just do it, just do what he'd asked, but it was simply impossible... In my mind at the time, putting myself over his knees was tantamount to purposely flashing someone in public, or yelling "Spank me!!" on a busy sidewalk in the middle of the day.

Fortunately for me, he seemed to read my mind, and wisely took my hesitation not for unwillingness to go through with it, but for simply what it was -- hesitation. He took my arm and gently guided my torso over his lap and onto the bed next to him, leaving my hips to lie propped up on his knees, and my feet on the floor next to the bed.

This was it.

I had never, EVER been in this position before.

I could feel my body react immediately. Immediately. Let's just say that if we'd stopped there, it would have been plenty by way of foreplay for me. :D

Happily, however, we didn't stop there. How could we? Now that I was so conveniently positioned, there was nothing for him to do but start to rub, and then to pat... All still over my skirt, but already making me whimper and squirm. Ohhhhh my goodness... Most of my mind was still having trouble realizing that this was even possible... that all those years of lying awake fantasizing at night had been about something that could, actually, really, physically, happen... to me, now at age 20, as an adult.

I remember not knowing what I should be doing with my legs... I was nervous about how I must look to him -- would it be easier for him, or would I look better, with my legs straight? Or bent? Or crossed, or one up one down... Obviously, I wasn't yet in enough pain to keep these silly thoughts repressed.

He didn't talk much once he'd got me over his lap, but he was responsive to my antics -- whimpering, moaning now and again, squirming a bit over his knees... Sounds of approval were issuing from his throat, and his hands on me were quite enough communication for the both of us.

After a bit, he took hold of the hem of my skirt, and began to lift. I made tiny nervous sounds and motions -- this would not only be the first time we'd met in person, and the first time I'd ever been spanked, and the first time he'd ever spanked me, but now it was going to be the first time he'd ever seen me with fewer clothes than is considered publicly decent in most situations. I was terribly shy, and especially about that part of my anatomy, and especially in this highly embarrassing and arousing position...

By the time he'd gotten my skirt all the way up I was about ready to explode with tension... I'm sure he could tell, because he took the opportunity to calm me down with quite a bit of rubbing, soothing, and telling me how nice I looked.

He put his left hand through my hair and pushed it back from my face on the bed, a gesture which had me sighing into the bed spread. :D

Please excuse the sappiness :) You will find that I'm a terribly romantic and often sappy person, bordering on pathetically schmaltzy when the mood strikes, so don't be put off as at the moment we're discussing one of the most dreamy moments of my young life... :)

Once I'd physically relaxed a bit, he began patting again, and my goodness what a difference it was -- suddenly it seemed terribly essential to have even that thin layer of cloth covering my skin, shielding it from the slap of his hand, even if it was just a light slap... I remember squirming with a little more vigor after the loss of my skirt's protection...

It wasn't long before his hand started coming down a bit harder, and a bit faster, and I started breathing a bit heavier, and moving my feet quite a bit more... No longer was I pre-occupied with worrying about how I must look, or what he might think, or where my legs should be, or how my skin must be jiggling -- now every thought in my mind had to do with the heat building under his hand, and then, quite suddenly, it started to hurt.

Ooooh... Ah! It started to really hurt!

I suppose the distress I was feeling at that point came through in my voice as I reacted, because after those moments of actual pain he would stop and rub a bit, again reaching over to push the hair out of my face.

By then, I had my left fore-arm underneath me, pressed flush up against his left thigh on the bed, and my right hand clinging to his left leg just above his knee, my fingers squeezed between him and the bed. I had taken to bending first one knee, then straightening it and bending the other, just for something to keep my mind off of the physical pain, something to move, something to do...

He kept spanking me for a bit after it began to hurt -- but of course, it was only hurting because I'd had no idea what it would feel like, had never been spanked before in my life even as a child, and was not used to hurting at all in any way.

At one point, nearing the end, he didn't stop to rub on cue with my whimpering, but instead kept going, a little harder, and I couldn't help the fact that my voice rose, that both my feet came up off the floor, that my head came up off the bed and I gripped his leg with my right hand hard and fast.

Then he stopped.

I let out a sigh... still feeling the sting, and still not quite sure whether I liked it or not.

After about a minute of rubbing and relaxing, he asked me, "Are you ready for more?"

More?! More? -- I was thinking, god no, oh no, that hurt quite enough thank you... The sting still lingering on my panty-clad bottom was enough to decide for me -- I shook my head, unable to speak at first, and then supplemented with a breathless, "No..."

"No?" he queried, to make sure, "All done?"

I nodded, closing my eyes. "Yesss...."

As this was our first visit, and the the first time I'd been over a lap getting spanked, he wanted, thankfully, to make sure that I felt comfortable with the experience -- that I still had enough control over the situation to keep things where I wanted them and to avoid any misunderstandings, while still maintaining the establishment of my submission to him, which was essential for me, mentally.

After that we talked, cuddled, and let the cuddling turn into some other things, but that can all be left up to imagination for now :D

It wasn't until much later that I stumbled upon opportunities to further explore my tolerance/intolerance for pain, my reactions to/preferences for different kinds of implements, and many other avenues of interest and excitement, most of which, I'm sure, will eventually find their way here, one way other another... :)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

First Time For Everything

In any situation, really, where story-telling is involved, it seems that the best place to start, unless your main goal is to thoroughly confuse and frustrate your audience with cleverly-laid flashbacks and time-jumps, is the beginning.

Well, the beginning of the story, anyway. Not The Beginning -- that would make for a rather long, convoluted, and altogether unnecessarily intricate tale.

For our purposes, the story here will be that of one person's journey into the land of Kink, from which there is no fool-proof escape, and within which multitudinous roller-coasters of emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual awakening twist and twirl over fields of oblivion and self-knowledge. Rather like "normal," vanilla life, really. Here, one can grow, or not, one can explore, or not -- but should one choose to make the most of it, a journey here is an irreplaceable, and truly enlightening experience. :D I can say this, and I've only just begun!

My first relationship was entirely vanilla, as are most (especially if they blossom during one's experimental high school years...). When I was 17 and he 18, we'd been together for about two years, and he, the more well-read of the two of us in these matters, asked me the question that started it all: "So... Do you have any fetishes I should know about?"

He asked rather playfully, over our dinner-for-two during a class day-trip to see Shakespeare.

"Fetishes?" I'd never heard the word before.

"Yeah, you know... like, feet, bondage, spanking, talking dirty, etc..." he flipped his hand in the air as if listing off book titles.

My body knew immediately, and shockingly, for at the very moment he'd said the word 'spanking,' my body had gone all tense and warm, my center had fired up, and I could feel the flush running through every vein and fiber of my being. But it didn't dawn on my mind right away. Had I eaten something funny? Was it about to be that time of month? What had just happened?

"No, I don't think so..." I'd answered truthfully, still confused at what had just taken place inside me, not connecting it yet to his utterance of that highly provocative and confusing word...

But as that day wore on, and I began thinking about it, thinking back to my childhood, remembering my early fascinations with cartoons that involved some naughty young character finding their way over an authority's knee, or the countless nights I would lie awake day dreaming about school children caught in petty wrongdoing, or the odd and wonderful attraction I'd always had to certain stories of Roald Dahl's... The connection began to form, and by the time we were heading back home on the bus after the play (a very rousing rendition of Taming of the Shrew, which served only to solidify my now boiling suspicions), I knew very well that I did have a "fetish," and that it did have something very much to do with "spanking."

A while after that, I did decide to confess to my then vanilla boyfriend, the first love of my life, and although he was open to experimenting and did try, I know now that it would never have worked, even if our relationship had lasted beyond college.

As it was, we drifted apart after four years, and by my sophomore year of college, at age 19, I was ready and raring to find some sort of satisfaction for this life-long fascination.

Or at least, I thought I was ready. :D

It didn't take long to find out that the road is long and winding, and that although there are many fabulous, helpful, joyful, entirely wholesome people in the world, there are deviants along the way as well, waiting and willing to reel in their next catch.

Please excuse the elaborate metaphors -- it's really not all that bad. The point here is simply that you must be careful, please -- have your wits and your wants about you, and don't let anyone take them away. No matter how charming, no matter how reassuring, no matter how enrapturing. The one who is right for you will never take away those things that make you who you are, your essence, your nature, your love for life.

A friend of mine from teenage years once gave me a very valuable and it turns out extremely helpful bit of advice when dealing with relationships of a dominant/submissive dynamic... She said, "If you have trouble looking at yourself in the mirror afterwards, you shouldn't do it." If the relationship is taking you places you didn't want to go, end it and get back on the horse in another direction. :D Know what you want beforehand -- have a clear image, so that when you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, you know what to do, and what is true to you.

Anyway, after that span of about six months succeeding my first break-up, which involved far more rapid and tumultuous a BDSM experience than I ever could have wanted or needed, I took time to heal, before falling in love, again, with a different kind of predator.

A wonderful year went by of utter bliss in my first what-seemed-to-be healthy, spanking relationship. It was during this time when I experienced my first 'real' spanking (which I may detail in a later post), 'real' here referring mostly to the physical position, mental preparation, and emotional connection, rather than the physicality of (what I now know to be) a REAL spanking... A lot of first experiences came out of that relationship while it lasted, and for that reason it was very valuable, despite it's abrupt and rather emotionally jarring cessation.

Since then, my roller-coaster has taken on a life of its own and the breadth of my experiences has grown exponentially, though of course, still with plenty of room to keep growing -- I'm still a newbie in many, many, many ways :D

Thus, a two-year, rocky-road beginning, minus a few details (to be saved for later), which has a happy ending. A happy end to the beginning. And what comes after the beginning? I guess this is the perfect time to find out...! :D

Hoo Goes There?

Please let me/us know who you are/how you work/what you like/how you came to be here...! (aliases and pen-names are A-Okay :D)

Leave a comment with anything you'd like to share about yourself, your life, your thoughts -- I can't wait to meet you! :D

What Fun!

Some very cool sites (Shabby Blogs and Leaves of Time) have helped to make this one an aesthetic success -- I would recommend both to any new bloggers, or anyone looking to spruce up an older endeavor! :D

I have to say I'm quite pleased with the way this one has turned out so far... now to actually start writing! What's a blog without content, hmm? :D

By the way, you should know from the very beginning, dear friend, that I use smileys to no end :) Please find it in your heart to accept them as the normal flow of my punctuation, or simply ignore them and mentally insert your own mood's face instead. No end to the entertainment value found within!

You should also know that I am an avid Harry Potter fan (thus the blog title), that I love playing/listening to/anything related to music, and that kink (specifically spanking, or, more specifically, being spanked) is one of the many, varied and deeply-embedded facets of my personality. :D

I hope you will enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing, and let your imagination soar!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

And the mischief begins...

Well, when I say "mischief managed," perhaps that means it's only just starting... :D

Here's to having a safe place to think, to write, and, eventually, to connect! :)